attention – Spark The Flame

The Black Hole of Neediness my friends. This is what I am calling my recent discovery. To get right to it: I discovered I have an emotional hole in me that has been there for years. And I have been trying to get other people to fill this hole for me. But this hole is insatiable, it can never be filled by anyone.
Subconsciously, without my awareness, in my past relationships (romantic and non-romantic) I have wanted other people to fill this hole. I was not aware this is what I was trying to do. But people are incapable of filling this hole, nobody can do this, even if they wanted to.
So I must walk around with this hole, realizing that it is permanent, and that nobody can fill it. This lets everyone else in the world off the hook. It also relaxes me, because now I can stop looking for a person to fill this, which allows me to set healthier boundaries, expectations, and honestly provides greater outlook for the future.
Something interesting is that once I realized I have this Black Hole, it dramatically reduced a visceral, physical anxiety response I would experience in my neediness sometimes. Instead of physical, the response has become more mental, which is actually an easier response for me.
This video is a bit long and slow. But if you’re in the mood, I hope you enjoy. Love and Blessings.

I have been struggling off and on with feeling meaning. It comes in waves. It’s difficult to define how long this last one was, I think it was on and off for almost a year. It was more on struggle this autumn until a few weeks ago.

I think there were a combination of things that helped alleviate it. My mom helped me paint to a much brighter color in my living room and bedroom. And she shared with me a meditation which put me in a purer state of Presence when listening to it. These things helped a lot.

One of the greatest contributions to my sustaining more meaning in these recent weeks is drastically reducing the noise that my brain listens to. I live by myself, and during my free time I’m normally listening to news, sports content, talks, etc. When I cut out all those things and just sat quiet while eating, while cleaning, while brushing my teeth, etc., I was in effect spending more time with a part of my self.

While I care about what’s happening in the world, possibly the greatest meaning is found within my self. Or at least, it was a huge factor that was not getting any attention to Be, and be Present, and quiet. Quiet so that I can discern and feel the meaning that exists in the fabric of the moment.

I feel a lot better now, having cut out a significant amount of distractions from my free time. I automatically sense more meaning in the moment.

Spark the Flame – Short Vlog 14 – Grit; Everything Listens; Magnetic Alignment