Im so glad Im not drinking. Im so grateful. Im so blessed. Im so lucky.
When Im not drinking, I trust myself. Others can trust me. I may make mistakes sober but they wont be flagrant, belligerent, or overly destructive.
When Im not drinking I have more control of a beautiful Life, and I have trust of myself.
The day could begin so classy, or innocently. Olives and crackers and feta cheese, a high-line party thrown by some big-wig production company.
10 hours later I could end up waking on a subway train seat, articles of mine missing. No recollection of what I’ve done, where I’ve been the last 5 hours. No idea what I have done to whom, and vice versa.
Once the first drop hits the brain, the signal all-of-a-sudden becomes “I can handle this, it’s not that bad. I am in control. I can have another”
Ten drinks later, sloppily stumbling into people and embarrassing myself on the street, incoherently speaking, looking for another place to drink, much more prone to violence…still saying the same thing, “I can handle this, it’s not that bad. I am in control. I can have another”
It’s not the one drink itself I fear. It’s the thought that one drink will be alright. It wont.
The thought that everything is ok now, and one drink is achievable. This is the deceit, the step into a hole that could be a puddle or a step off a skyscraper.
Bullets in a Revolver
Drinking is like a
revolver, with bullets
in some, you dont know
how many bullets and you
dont know how many
You prob get a feel for the
# of bullets + chambers based
on Karma, or your actions