Had a tough time today with alcohol. So very glad I didn’t drink. Was at lunch with two coworker friends , even the bartender was drinking hard liquor at lunchtime. It was cozy in there, I felt like I was missing out by not drinking with them.

Then at the end of the work day most of the office had a game of poker and just about everybody was drinking. I don’t know why, but after a while I had the thought that I really wanted to drink, and that maybe I could be ok with one drink or so. Thankfully I am  blessed that I didn’t drink. The strongest urge lasted only a moment or two, but it is scary to think that I considered it for a moment.

I have two and a half years without drinking. And I am still having frightening times of desire. I am scared to want to drink. I am scared to be fooled into thinking that I can have only a little and things will be perfectly fine.

The reality is the next time I choose to drink, I feel that myself or someone else could die. That is how serious alcohol affects me. How innocent and controllable one voluntary swig seems, but that one swig is a switch to open the floodgates of destruction.

With alcohol I don’t ever know how much destruction I will cause, or to whom.

I cant let that happen.

Please help me to stay clean. Please help me to stay clear and clean from alcohol. Please.

Thank you.

This Is A Special Time

This is a special Time.

Are you afraid of losing it?

The adventure. Not knowing the recipe,

not knowing how.

This is special. But don’t be afraid

to lose it.

Don’t be afraid to move on.

We must all do that. We must all

progress.

There are more things to do.

Bigger. You must do this

first.

You must continue, you will

leave this time behind,

like you left all other times

behind.

And there will be more Times.

And more times.

And more times.

And more Times.

And more times. And more…

“So I would like to end this with a paragraph written by that young man, in a letter to his mother, the night before he was put to death.

…’and I want you all to remember — that you must not dream yourselves back to the times before the war, but the dream for you all, young and old, must be to create an ideal of human decency, and not a narrow-minded and prejudiced one. That is the great gift our country hungers for, something every little peasant boy can look forward to, and with pleasure feel he is a part of — something he can work and fight for.'”

This comes from the children’s book “Number The Stars” by Lois Lowry, and she is quoting the real-life letter of a leader of the Resistance in Denmark during Nazi occupation. His name: Kim Malthe-Bruun, and he was captured and executed by the Nazis at the age of 21.