Straightedge – No Substances

Just wanted to share, that it seems like I will be required to be mostly straightedge. Maybe a little portion of a hookah every once in a blue might be ok, but even that I dont know.

  • I cannot smoke cigarettes because even one now will create in me a hacking coughing fit
  • I cannot drink alcohol because even one sip may cause me to binge where I become a danger to the lives of myself and others
  • I cannot smoke weed, because the last two times I broke my abstinence from marijuana I became extremely emotionally distraught, where I am at risk of wanting to leave this world.

Looks like this leaves me with tea and hot sauce 🙂

“Here’s the thing, if we have goals and dreams, and we want to do our best, and if we love people and we don’t want to hurt them or lose them, we should feel pain when things go wrong. The point isn’t to live without any regrets…We need to learn to love the flawed, imperfect things that we create and to forgive ourselves for creating them.”

–Kathryn Schulz

Spark the Flame Podcast 19

Was having issues with the audio, so couldnt include an intro and outro this time. But will try to have it working for next time. Enjoy!

Musings of Gratitude

I was at my cousin’s 30th birthday celebration last night, and when I asked him if there was something specific he asked for, he answered me with something like “nothing except health; health for me and my family, my friends and their family.” Then he started talking beautifully about how grateful he was, in general. He spoke for quite a bit of time, maybe 10minutes or more, about how he feels so much gratitude on a daily basis.

His waxing was beautiful and seemed to help me. I want to offer a small summary from my memory here:

“My girlfriend bought me this new watch, but it was at the bottom of this box of new sweats. When I opened the box I saw the sweats and thought that was my birthday gift from her, and I was so happy for them. After she led me to find the new watch, she said ‘how could you be happy with just sweats for a gift?’ I told her ‘I was so grateful that you got me something to keep me warm.’

I dont need an expensive meal, I’m happy if we go to Wendys.

All these people here at this celebration. They could be anywhere. They could be anywhere but they chose to be here. Some came from Jersey and other far parts of NY. And they’re here with me. I’m so grateful.

People are so busy. They have their own priorities and have very little time. Any time they give is a gift. Any time at all they choose to give me is a gift.

I used to feel I had to be in control of things. I thought by the age of 25 I would be married with 2 kids already. I used to be so upset that I didnt have this great job like my brother. But everyone has their own time. For some people it could be 25, for some it could be 30, for some it could be 35….

I have so much acceptance now. I had to learn to relax. To let things go. I dont have to be in control. Things will work out.”

I mentioned that it sounded like he had built a muscle of gratitude, and that he works out this muscle and it gets stronger; something like developing gratitude as a skill. He completely agreed.

Last year in April I walked the labyrinth at the basement of Marble Collegiate Church.

Labyrinth

Labyrinth

This is what I wrote during that walk:

 

Go forward in sacredness

 

You do not go forward

without the sacredness /

unless you invite the sacredness

 

How sacred and special

this Life is

 

Every part is just as

valuable as every other part

Before you know it,

you’re there.

It’s the journey that is sacred

There is no piece that is more valuable than any other

It is all sacred space

This is a sacred walk.

Life, is a sacred walk.

Stand still, until you

feel, acknowledge,

Breath the sacredness

with every breath:

If the breath is not sacred,

stand still until it is,

until you can walk with

sacred breath again.

The path will always have

difficulty, that is the

nature of the path.

Personal Production

My production, where is it going?

My effort represents personal production towards existence with every moment.

If I have high production and it is steered always good energy, your effort of direction, toward the good, gains you reward and padding of good vibration. Even if your current feelings mismatch.

Add gratefulness and humility so you keep the desire for good

And Faith