Just wanted to share, that it seems like I will be required to be mostly straightedge. Maybe a little portion of a hookah every once in a blue might be ok, but even that I dont know.
- I cannot smoke cigarettes because even one now will create in me a hacking coughing fit
- I cannot drink alcohol because even one sip may cause me to binge where I become a danger to the lives of myself and others
- I cannot smoke weed, because the last two times I broke my abstinence from marijuana I became extremely emotionally distraught, where I am at risk of wanting to leave this world.
Looks like this leaves me with tea and hot sauce 🙂
“Here’s the thing, if we have goals and dreams, and we want to do our best, and if we love people and we don’t want to hurt them or lose them, we should feel pain when things go wrong. The point isn’t to live without any regrets…We need to learn to love the flawed, imperfect things that we create and to forgive ourselves for creating them.”
First Vlog (Video log) clip is about enjoying the Now:
So hard at times to not drink. There are plenty of ideas of why trying some alcohol wouldnt be so bad. I guess the key is, thinking of anything happening after that first sip, as completely unpredictable yet completely preventable, as long as I dont take that sip in the first place.
Was having issues with the audio, so couldnt include an intro and outro this time. But will try to have it working for next time. Enjoy!
Gratitude starts NOW.
The infinite depth of Gratitude:
Each moment must be submerged in Gratitude:
If this moment cannot, no other moment will suffice.
“You don’t have to be where you think you want to be in order to be happy. You just gotta be on the way to where you want to be in order to be happy.”
I was at my cousin’s 30th birthday celebration last night, and when I asked him if there was something specific he asked for, he answered me with something like “nothing except health; health for me and my family, my friends and their family.” Then he started talking beautifully about how grateful he was, in general. He spoke for quite a bit of time, maybe 10minutes or more, about how he feels so much gratitude on a daily basis.
His waxing was beautiful and seemed to help me. I want to offer a small summary from my memory here:
“My girlfriend bought me this new watch, but it was at the bottom of this box of new sweats. When I opened the box I saw the sweats and thought that was my birthday gift from her, and I was so happy for them. After she led me to find the new watch, she said ‘how could you be happy with just sweats for a gift?’ I told her ‘I was so grateful that you got me something to keep me warm.’
I dont need an expensive meal, I’m happy if we go to Wendys.
All these people here at this celebration. They could be anywhere. They could be anywhere but they chose to be here. Some came from Jersey and other far parts of NY. And they’re here with me. I’m so grateful.
People are so busy. They have their own priorities and have very little time. Any time they give is a gift. Any time at all they choose to give me is a gift.
I used to feel I had to be in control of things. I thought by the age of 25 I would be married with 2 kids already. I used to be so upset that I didnt have this great job like my brother. But everyone has their own time. For some people it could be 25, for some it could be 30, for some it could be 35….
I have so much acceptance now. I had to learn to relax. To let things go. I dont have to be in control. Things will work out.”
I mentioned that it sounded like he had built a muscle of gratitude, and that he works out this muscle and it gets stronger; something like developing gratitude as a skill. He completely agreed.
Theres so much out there to explore.
Then again, theres so much in here to be grateful for.
“Though we travel the world to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Last year in April I walked the labyrinth at the basement of Marble Collegiate Church.
This is what I wrote during that walk:
Go forward in sacredness
You do not go forward
without the sacredness /
unless you invite the sacredness
How sacred and special
this Life is
Every part is just as
valuable as every other part
Before you know it,
It’s the journey that is sacred
There is no piece that is more valuable than any other
It is all sacred space
This is a sacred walk.
Life, is a sacred walk.
Stand still, until you
Breath the sacredness
with every breath:
If the breath is not sacred,
stand still until it is,
until you can walk with
sacred breath again.
The path will always have
difficulty, that is the
nature of the path.
If I could kiss every moment,
with full blown lips,
I would tell it “Thank you for being here,”
to let it know that its
presence is appreciated.
You know, I can do this.
How sacred and special this Life is. It is all sacred space.
This is a sacred walk.
Stand still, until you feel, acknowledge, Breathe the sacredness with every breath
Humility helps us to be invested in benefit for all, which in turn benefits us. This way things turn out best.
Your daily life is your temple and your religion. Whenever you enter into it take with you your all – Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
My production, where is it going?
My effort represents personal production towards existence with every moment.
If I have high production and it is steered always good energy, your effort of direction, toward the good, gains you reward and padding of good vibration. Even if your current feelings mismatch.
Add gratefulness and humility so you keep the desire for good
There seems to be a magic in the air for this Spring. Until 2 days ago I was still half expecting another snowstorm. I am slowly letting go of winter, even though this Spring came in so powerfully. Thank goodness for the energy.
Yes being respectful to yourself, and in the similar manner to others’ need to respect themselves, really makes for some good interpersonal feelings and connection
“Each thing has its own intrinsic value.”
“…I know nothing else but miracles…
To me every hour of the light and dark is a miracle,
Every cubic inch of space is a miracle,
Every square yard of the surface of the earth is spread with miracles,
Every foot of the interior swarms with miracles.”
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.